Best Served Cold

Chatting to one of my lovely sisters-in-law the other day, she told me how she had opened a packet of Liquorice Allsorts only to be disappointed to find a complete absence of her favourite coconut 'sorts. She wrote to Bassetts about the let-down and in return received a very apologetic letter from the manufacturers explaining that the quantities were governed entirely by random chance so were really out of their control. To make amends, they had included a large selection box of their confectionaries and a further £20 worth of Bassetts vouchers!

This reminded me of my own story from when I was a student involving the mighty multi-national Mars corporation...

Having just returned from morning lectures I was passing through the dimly-lit corridor of the college feeling peckish so decided to buy a Mars bar from the vending machine. As I bit into it I immediately realised something wasn't right: the chocolate coating was brittle and there was an unpleasant bitter taste to it. Upon examination in brighter conditions I could see there was a pale discolouration covering the entire bar - rather like mildew - quite inedible. So I wrote to Mars telling them of my plight.

Sure enough a couple of weeks later, a letter appeared in my inbox. It explained that if chocolate is not kept at a correct temperature the cocoa butter can diffuse to the surface causing the discolouration and bitter taste. It then went on to tell me not to worry, it wasn't harmful, and included a postal order for 22p - the exact cost of the Mars Bar plus a postage stamp.

Thanks, Mars. Thanks a fucking bundle...