Sunday 18 October 2020

An Amazing Avian Artiste!

Writing this post to record a remarkable encounter with one of Britain's smallest birds - a male Goldcrest - in our garden last week (Sun 11th Oct 2020). They are occasional visitors to our neighbourhood usually staying only for a few minutes. This one though I was able to watch for a good 30 minutes, searching the tree canopy at the end of the garden (focussing on the acers and hornbeams) between a couple of bouts of sitting on a branch about 5 metres up preening thoroughly for a good 5 minutes each time, with me watching from directly below, getting a cricked neck in the process.

What was most remarkable though was its singing.

I didn't at first believe it could be the Goldcrest that was making the sound, as the song was so different from the familiar "seedli seedli seedli seeee see see" calls I'm more used to hearing. But it seemed to be the only bird around, and the sound followed the bird's movements. The singing also ceased during the aforementioned preening sessions.

Unfortunately it was very windy despite being a bright and sunny (though chilly afternoon) and I didn't manage to record any of it.

But anyway, the song itself was more like that of a Robin singing to itself*, only higher pitched, squeakier and less tuneful, but littered with snippets of mimicry of other species. A keen ear could detect, along the expected "seedli" sounds, snippets of coal tit, blue tit, goldfinch, possibly chaffinch, and distinctly the trill calls of a long-tailed tit. Furthermore it was singing all the time it was fluttering from branch to branch, in bursts of maybe a minute or more.

As outlined above, I would never have attributed such varied singing to a Goldcrest unless I'd watched it myself. The quality was more like that of a warbler - to which they are reasonably closely related - a family that features plenty of expert mimics. None of my bird books mention anything about mimicry by Goldcrests though, and I've not found any such reports on the internet either. Maybe it was auditory pareidolia on my part? I don't know now, but it was a memorable experience either way.


*Something I've observed Robins doing (at least outside the breeding season) is to find a nice quiet perch and sing quietly with their beak closed so as to mute the sound, as if they're almost humming tunes to themselves that they're rehearsing. Quite delightful.



Saturday 18 January 2020

Please Hold

Post from Elaine (@elainepixie) relating the trials of negotiating modern technology:

"Wrote this li'l poem, inspired and informed by thoughts occurring during the real phone call I made to my GP surgery this afternoon. It will no doubt be a familiar scenario for many. Imagine, if you will, that this was spread over 32 minutes... I call it 'Please Hold'. 😊 (Small quantity of colourful language.)"


Please Hold

Your call is in a queue.

Mu-sic starts to
Pound my ear drums
And a-ttack my brain
It is clear-ly
Spe-cially writ-ten
To drive me in-sane
It re-peats in
Sing-le beats with
No res-pite at all
No-thing ap-proach
-Ing a tune I
Think I'll end this call
That is what they
Want you to do!
You can't let them win
You can do this
How much lon-ger
Can they play this din
Where do they get
This crap mu-sic
It must be de-signed
By a mach-ine
For the pur-pose
Of fuck-ing my mind
Ah it's end-ed
Sweet re-lease please
Play a new re-frain
It can't be as
Bad oh fuck they're
Start-ing it a-gain

Here I am ten
Cy-cles la-ter
Knee-ling on the floor
Star-ing out the
Win-dow though my
Eyes can see no more

Press one for appointments.

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

Three.

Ring ring
Ring ring
Oh joy
I'm there
Not long
To go

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

Three.

O-kay
Not there
Just yet
But soon
Pre-pare
To speak

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

Three.

Oh God
I'm stuck
Help me
How long
Will I
Be here

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

Three.

Lost track
How long
I've been
At three
Hate num-
Ber one

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...
Two.

Progress!
Punch air
Be quick
I beg
New num-
Ber one

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

Two.

Sus-pense
Pain-ful
Will to
Live is
Slip-ping
A-way

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

Two.

This line
Is for
Ap-point
-Ments fuck
What takes
So long

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

One.

That's it!
Get set
To speak...
Ring ring
Ring ring
Ring ring

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

One.

Argh no!
Not there
Still one
Ba-stard
A-head
Of me

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

One.

Feet dead
Shift legs
Re-ward
In reach
Please please
Please please

Please hold. Our staff are currently dealing with other patients. Your call will be answered as soon as possible.

You are caller number...

One.

Soon now
Pre-pare
Clear throat
Do not
Hang up
In shock

Hello - reception. How can I help?

I open my mouth and try to start speaking
But what is that sound?
I appear to be squeaking!
Such eons have passed since commencing this call
My voicebox has aged
Barely functions at all

So I squeak my request
My name, D.o.B,
And I get my appointment
I'm a jollier me
I'm glad I hung in there
Achievement is mine
As I write in my diary
Smear test app't - nine.